This week was clouded with resistance. Problem- I want fight myself less while working. But with these decisions to cause change come the dreaded fog. Fog causes endless thought loops without much progression. I couldn't make a decision for the life of me. Multiple decisions blended into one massive unsolvable upward battle of a problem when in reality no problem needed my immediate attention.
Let's list some thought loops I got stuck in this week:
Its hot as fuck in the van- multiple 100+ degree days
I want to be comfortable. Sit down maybe in a chair and not stand all day working on a slant fighting gravity.
I don't want to tear down the studio my father and I built together. I'm going to insult him. Blah blah blah
Will I need different equipment?
Do I have room in my current situation?
Should I bring everything inside and just try it anyways?
Am I being lazy and can have this solved in an hr of me not fighting myself every step of the way?
I wanted an answer to every problem but I was creating to many problems to deal with. I would spend an hr tearing my hair out trying to remove the workbench with improper tools only to give up from bruised battered sweaty fingers and a shitty attitude.
I still feel stuck in the questions. I still want answers that don't exist. I'm not ready to compromise.
I want this whole thing to be easy.
Where's the fun in that?
maybe I'll deal with all this when the lows over...